What do I want?
June 29th 2017
Sometimes we can get scared to actually want what we want. The fear of getting what we don't want, stops us from engaging fully with the law of attraction. Here are three tips for when you lack clarity and are stuck in confusion which is stopping you from moving forward.
I waited two years for the Universe to tell me what my life purpose was. It never did. It was only after two years (a long time when you’re waiting for something!) did it occur to me that I needed to do something differently. Sometimes we can get scared to actually want what we want. What if it’s the wrong thing? The fear of getting what we don’t want, stops us from engaging fully with the law of attraction. This is the fear I had. Here are three things that helped me find direction when I lacked the clarity to move forward.
This week I’m sharing with you my top three tips for figuring out what you want. It’s the step before trying to figure out how to get what you want, which is a whole another video. But when you are getting used to the law of attraction and having a hand at it and getting some success with it, sometimes it can actually be terrifying to know what you want and to want it, which sounds crazy but it is so common.
When I first learned about the law of attraction many years ago when ‘The Secret’ came out… Was that ten years ago? It was a long time ago. And I started practising it. It was so new to me that I was very cynical about it but open-minded… sceptical, not cynical. So I was open-minded and I was ready to just try it out, and oh my gosh, it worked, it totally worked.
I remember one of the first things I Secret-ed was I just walked into a shopping centre and I was like I’m going to have a hot chocolate. Bring me a hot chocolate, universe. And then I just forgot about it. And I was walking around the shops and randomly there was this person doing a survey saying you know, can I survey you, and I said yes. So I did the survey and then they gave me a voucher for Starbucks or Glory Jeans, a drink, like to get a drink. And I remember getting it going oh my gosh, I just secret-ed a hot chocolate. So these random things happen and the law of attraction works. And the more you do it on the small things the easier it gets.
When I started getting good at attraction on these little inconsequential things like hot chocolates and car parks and clothing and things like that that I was trying to attract and I was attracting it, I freaked out. My brain literally broke. Like for two years I did not participate in the law of attraction at all. I was just like oh my gosh… I got scared of my thoughts basically. I got really scared of my thoughts. What if I attract something I thought of for half a second and then regret it, what do I do then? I just didn’t understand then the intricacies of how to harness this kind of power, this skill, this tool.
I freaked out and I just thought I don’t know what I want. I am not going to practice this. I attracted something huge that really freaked me out and it was… It had to do with university, an assignment I was handing in, and it was just phenomenal how I ended up getting a HD for it… which just did not seem possible at all. And I visualised it and all these components came in in the last week to help me get this assignment done which just seemed completely left field. I don’t know where they came from, obviously the law of attraction, and I was able to do this amazing assignment that should’ve taken me three months and I did it in a week and got a HD. And it was something I was really stressed about, really really stressed about.
After that I was freaked out by this whole, new experience of the law of attraction. I was no longer sceptical. I was completely on board with it, and then completely off board with it too because it was just too scary. It was too much for me. So for a long time, for those two years I didn’t know what I wanted. I just didn’t know what to do with that. I didn’t know what to attract. I didn’t know what to focus on. I didn’t know what I wanted. Three things helped me move out of that space.
1. I realised that with my life purpose it was a journey of breadcrumbs,
The area that I was confused in was my career and what I was supposed to be doing with my life, what was my life purpose. At that time, I was working as a physiotherapist in Sydney, and I knew that that was not my life purpose. I was wanting my life purpose to land on my lap and for the universe just to tell me, but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know how to interact with the universe to get that information.
I waited for two years to get clarity so that – but I knew, once I know what it is then I can attract it. I just waited two years for the universe to tell me this is what you’re meant to be doing. And after a good like I said two years, I realised this is not working, how long do you want to wait for this message to come from the universe. I thought I’d get an email from someone and the message would be in there or it was just going to come at me from somewhere.
One, I realised that with my life purpose it was a journey of breadcrumbs, literally one breadcrumb led to another. It was not a huge cake being presented to me, this is your life purpose. It was crumbs. It was breadcrumbs. And the moment everything changed was when I realised that I don’t need the cake, I just need the crumb. What’s the next crumb, where am I going, what’s in front of me right now, where am I supposed to focus on today, right now.
And once I started doing that it just gained momentum. If someone had told me what my life purpose was back then when I was really craving to know it, I would’ve dismissed it. I would not have been able to receive it and I wouldn’t have known what to do with it. I would’ve just realised… I would’ve thought that’s not for me, that’s not who I am, I don’t think that’s right… next, and just keep waiting. I wasn’t ready to really receive all the information about it.
The breadcrumbs basically are experiences that happen in your life that they just widen your perspective a little bit about what you can experience, and it just builds the belief around who you are, what you’re capable of, and what you can do, and what you’re interested in. I had many different interests so I didn’t know which way to go. But the breadcrumbs as they would, they’d come one after the other, just increase my perspective on the direction I was heading in.
So that’s tip number one, go for the breadcrumb and not the cake. Just head in the direction that you feel you’re being pulled in, and just be curious about the breadcrumb in front of you. If you’re waiting for the cake you’ll wait your whole life. It’s not going to come as a cake. It’ll come as a breadcrumb, and they’re clues leading you on a path towards what it is you truly want.
For me it applied for life purpose. It also applies for life partners, if you’re wanting to attract a soulmate. It applies for health and wellbeing, what’s in front of me right now, what do I want to focus on now. Ask that question and then you’ll get the information in that moment of time.
2. Let go of other people’s idea of success.
The second thing of how to decide what you want is to let go of other people’s idea of success. Define what success means to you and that may take time. It just may take time to realise what is important to you and what you value and what success looks like to you.
Not everyone has to achieve great monetary heights and all become multimillionaires. It just might not suit you. It might not be who you want to be. You might want to do something completely different, but you know, droves of people are on this bandwagon and you feel like if you’re not then there’s something not quite right with you. That’s got to go.
Let go of what other people define as success and come back into yourself and ask yourself what’s important to me, just values, very general. What is important to me in my life, where do I want to put my focus on, and define success on your terms, what does it mean to be successful.
3. What you don’t want gives you clues to what you do want
The third thing in deciding what you want is to look at everything that’s coming to your life that gives you clues about what you don’t want, because whatever you feel strongly towards not wanting is clues to what you do want.
The problem that we get stuck in is we focus, we just keep our focus on the stuff that we don’t want and just sit there in it and activate that vibration and only be resonating in that field. Whereas if you use that as information, this is what I don’t want, I don’t want to have my heart broken by someone who’s unable to commit, I don’t want that. You could just keep focusing on that and screening people as who’s not going to break my heart, who’s not going to break my heart, who’s not going to break my heart, or you shift to… use that as information and then shift to focus on well, what’s the opposite of that, what do I want?
I want someone that feels safe. I want someone who feels like home. I want someone who holds the space for who I am and doesn’t impose who they think I should be. That’s what I want. I want someone who’ll hold the space for who I am, who’s safe, who feels like home. That’s got a different vibration to it. That’s got a whole different energy to it. And when you shift your focus from what you don’t want to what you do want, your RAS, your reticular activation system kicks in to bring you evidence for this, for whatever it is you’re focusing on.
Think about your P-plates when you’re driving and learning to drive, and one day there’s nobody on the road with P-plates, the day you get your provisional license, your P-plates, suddenly as soon as you put those P-plates on the front and back of your car, suddenly everyone’s got P-plates. It’s your RAS, your reticular activation system. So what you see is filtered by your brain of what it thinks is important and necessary, so whatever is in your experience will bring more evidence of it and deletes the rest. It’s just too much information to process all at once, so your brain helps you delete stuff. Otherwise you’d be too overwhelmed.
You can control that. You can be an active participant in that. You don’t have to just be at the whim of what unconsciously comes at you. You can decide, okay I don’t want this, I want this, it’s the opposite. I’ll focus my attention here, I’ll activate it, and then I will seek out evidence to support that and bring it into my life, bring it into my vibration.
Those are my top three tips for figuring out what you want in life.
The first one was to know that clarity comes from breadcrumbs, not the cake. Follow the steps, follow the yellow brick road, follow the steps. It comes in small bitty bites. It doesn’t come as the big shabangabang. It just doesn’t come fully-formed. It comes in tiny little steps. So just know that it’s not going to land on your lap. It’s going to guide you one step at a time.
The second tip is to define what success means to you and to let go of other people’s ideas of what success is. Don’t allow that to be imposed on you. Find from within what success means to you and that means looking at your values and what’s important to you. So notice if certain things that you think you want is just certain things you think you should want rather than what you actually want. Figure out what is important to you. Just stay general.
And the third tip to figuring out what you want is to notice what you don’t want. Notice what’s activated in your life of I don’t want this showing up anymore, and then find the opposite of that and activate that vibration and make it a conscious thing of ‘I’m going to focus my attention here and that’s going to bring more evidence to support that’. So energy flows where attention goes, is that it? It’s pretty much the gist to it. So wherever you put your attention is where you’ll bring your energy and the energy of the universe.
Your clarity comes from action, not from thinking.
It’s not going to come from just sitting around and waiting like I did for two years… sitting, waiting, thinking. That’s not how it’s going to happen. Your clarity of what you want is going to come from engagement, getting into it. Get into life. Don’t be a spectator, be a participant. And from your actions and from your experiences more and more information will come up to form the full cake. It’ll come from all the little breadcrumbs leading you to the cake, but you’ve got to be engaged. You’ve got to be active. You’ve got to be involved. You’ve got to plug in to life. It’s not going to come just from sitting around and thinking about it.