May 26th 2016
What do you do when you're feeling down?
This week one of my beautiful clients asked me a great question that I thought was worth sharing. We talked for ages about it and I just wanted to give you a little bit of a snippet of part of that conversation that we had.
Her question was when you’re feeling upset and down and feeling crap about yourself, what do you do to get out of that? And what I shared with her is that at any given moment I know I’m going to be in one of three modes emotionally. And so whenever I enter one of those three modes it doesn’t surprise me, it doesn’t shock me, and it doesn’t blindside me, and I have strategies that I use in each of those modes to help me.
When I’m feeling really down and really upset and full of emotion and it feels like the emotions are washing through and it’s quite overwhelming, I know that I need to get myself into Cocoon mode. And Cocoon mode is where literally I create a cocoon around myself. I draw a boundary around my time, my energy, my space. I say no to any social events. I really am very strategic about where I’m going to invest my time and energy because I’m feeling so depleted in energy.
Cocoon mode is where I really go to recharge and just give myself the space to feel the emotions that I’m feeling. I never try and resist the emotions that are coming up for me. It doesn’t work. Like you can try and not feel something but it doesn’t work. That’s not how it works. It’ll just push it down and then later it’s going to come back even stronger.
So I give myself the space to truly feel the emotions I’m feeling. I don’t have the energy to try and coach myself out of it in that state, in that mode. It’s when it’s quite strong and overpowering and I do just need to kind of chill out and relax and nurture and really, really self-nurture, self-care.
So in terms of nurturing what I do is… say if I’m feeling really overwhelmed with sadness, I will put on the sad… saddest movie that I can find. Often it’s The Notebook. Sometimes it’s Beaches which is when I’m feeling very nostalgic for Bette Midler who I love. And those two movies in particular will really kind of tap in to sadness and pull it out and you know… you feel great after a good cry, and I do it in a place where I feel very safe to do that, to just really let it out and bawl my eyes out.
If I’m not feeling as heavy as that, I will watch something that’s a total checkout, so like a great chick flick. I love Sweet Home Alabama, Reese Witherspoon. It’s just one of my go-to movies. And also Under the Tuscan Sun. It starts off very sad and then it ends very happy, so it kind of helps me navigate through that emotional arc. And movies are a great way to really tap into emotions and just pull them out because you’re looking at a story that’s got nothing to do with you and it’s tapping into your own emotions and it just helps kind of empty it.
In that state, in kind of Cocoon mode, it’s not where I try and think about why I’m feeling a certain way. Often when you’re feeling sad or when you’re feeling angry, your mind will create a story to then justify those emotions, and often it’ll project and point to a particular person or event to blame for feeling that way. So in Cocoon mode I just give myself permission to switch off and not think about it and just the space to feel it.
Sometimes our sadness bucket or our anger bucket is just full and it just needs to empty. And everyone’s got different time periods of when your bucket gets full with anger, sadness, and fear which are the three heaviest emotions or kind of base emotions that you can feel.
All the other emotions tie in to those three in one way or another. Negative emotions, I’m talking about. And so when you’ve found strategies to help you express and kind of offload those emotions in a healthy way that doesn’t hurt yourself or others, Cocoon mode is the space where you allow yourself to do that and to employ all those strategies.
So that’s what I do when I’m in Cocoon mode. Something to be very mindful of in this state is watching out for any addictive behaviours. That’s when I notice people tell me they’re emotionally eating or just unconsciously shopping or if you’ve got any kind of addictions it’s much harder to control when you’re in that state. So just be mindful of that and have strategies to kind of contain those kind of addictive behaviours.
The second mode that I’m in at any given moment is Reflection mode where I’ve got the space, the clarity of mind to think about why did I feel that way. Is there something that I need to address? Was it just my bucket being full and I just need to empty it? In that case, nothing to explore. But is it something that I’m continuously getting upset about or angry about or scared about? Is there something deeper that I need to address?
Often I’ll try and clear it myself. If I’m finding that I’m struggling with that I’ve got an abundance of methods to go and explore with other practitioners and therapists. You can use bark or bush remedies with 06:07. You can do kinesiology. You can do regression therapy or hypnotherapy to try and find the root cause of any of those patterns that you’re noticing. But that’s almost like a very active place where you’re dealing with and managing emotions that you don’t want to carry anymore. And that’s what I call Reflection mode.
The third mode that I can be emotionally at any given time is In Flow, so In Flow mode which means I am… my three cups are full, I’m feeling amazing, on top of the world, manifestations are just coming left, right, and centre with ease, I’m got super awesome clarity, totally in-tuned with my intuition and just free-flowing. It’s an amazing, amazing state of being to be. I’d like to say it’s my favourite but all three are really beautiful, but it’s a lot of fun when I’m in that mode. A lot of projects and things just kind of easily flow to me. I give very easily without any blocks, and that’s when energetically I’m feeling very high. My vibrations are very high and my emotions are easily observed, whether it’s negative or positive. It’s just very easily observed.
So those are the three modes that I know I’m going to be in at any given moment, either Cocoon mode, Reflection mode, or In Flow. That’s what we discussed this week and I hope that was helpful. Leave me a comment below to tell me what you do when you’re having a day when you’re feeling crap about yourself. We all have it. It’s a common thing, it’s not abnormal. You’re not crazy if you’re going through it. Everyone goes through it. And it’s good to help each other figure out ways to get through those kind of tough days.